Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
