Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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