I accidentally burped into my bong.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
