I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You are the jesus of drinking
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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