He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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