ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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