He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
