Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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