how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
