is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
