...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
God I need to hump something, right now.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
