Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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