so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
