i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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