I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
