perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
