Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
