Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
