I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
