I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
