Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
