Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
