Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
