He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
