the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
