i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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