My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
