Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
