This is not my ceiling
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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