Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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