Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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