R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
