I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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