Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
