hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
