I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
