There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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