My hand turned me down
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
