Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
