How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I cut my penus on the lid.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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