i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize