I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
