I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
