Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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