He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
