You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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