I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
