oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You may now shotgun with the bride
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize