Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
