I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
