I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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