Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
