if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
