Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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