I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
