Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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