I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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