she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
