i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
