I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
