You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize