I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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