So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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