I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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