I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
