Your dad touched me again.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
