i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize