So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
