her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
