You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
this hospital has no fireball
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize