Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish life had little blips of pornography
organizing the empties. That sober.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
