then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
