please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
