Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize