i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
