wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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