then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
