I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Blood and glitter go together right?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
