i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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