the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
