come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
