I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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