I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
