you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
