meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
