Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
