nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
