You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
