That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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