I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
