Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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