The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize